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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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Finally, the tarts come out, and they’re perfect. I’m so proud, I could cry. I set them out, and people start coming in. The vibe is electric! I’m chatting with customers, cracking jokes, and feeling like a rockstar. Then, this little kid comes in, eyes wide as saucers, and he’s like, “Can I have a tart?” I’m like, “Of course, buddy! You can have two!”

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